My depression started about 1,5 years ago. I was feeling really bad because I had just "wasted" 2 years of my life smoking weed and doing absolutely nothing with my life. I decided to stop smoking which then made me go into what I think was clinical depression. I was in a constant "black hole" feeling hopeless and enjoying none of life's pleasures. I tried to seek professional help twice but never went through with it because I felt like I could get out on my own.

In order to do this I started exercising heavily and tried to be social and going to friends/family even when I just wanted to stay home and do nothing. I was completing all my courses in college while also working part-time jobs. Beforehand I figured that when I got my **** together (which I now do) I would stop feeling depressed and start being happy again but this was not the case. I did get out of what I describe as my "ultimate depression" stage in which I just felt like crap all day but I still have quite a lot of issues which I'll talk about below.

First, I go from feeling neutral/content to depressed a couple of times every day. I can sit at home and play a game or read a book and feel fine, and then 15 minutes later I feel this sudden wave of sadness washing over me. This can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 6 hours and then it usually clears up again and I feel neutral again. I have these intense moodswings (almost) every day. I don't think it's depression because it isn't constant but I don't know how to label it which is making me worried.

Second, whenever I go through a phase in which my depressed feelings seem to subside, my anxiety plays up. I have been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder and I am currently seeking professional help and will be going through a program of about 15 therapy sessions concerning my anxiety.

The depression seems to put anxiety on the background and the other way around: when I'm feeling anxious it consumes me and I feel less depressed. The guy I'm seeing for my issues thinks that if I learn to control my anxiety and be more "mindfull" and "positive" then my depressed feelings will also clear up but I'm not sure if it's even depression and I don't know if the anxiety is causing the depression or the other way around. Or maybe they have nothing to do with eachother... I don't know.

Thanks for reading this long story and if there's any advice you can give me about what the hell is going on with me and how I can get out of it please let me know. Also when I start feeling depressed, what's a good strategy to get out of it as soon as possible? I usually feel like my thoughts are quite negative (thinking it's never going to get better and I'll never be truelly happy etc.) and I don't know how to control them.