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Originally Posted by mian síoraí
This part ^
Pets can be totally dependent on us, setting up the emotional triggers that lead to projection. Worried that she's not going to survive under your care made me wonder if that's how you felt as a little girl dependent on caregivers who were in fact inadequate.
That you cried for hours over what I quoted above is very telling...it might be your own disavowed pain.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StressedMess
Your cat is dependent on you and you feel inadequate to meet her needs. Kind of like your caregivers were with your needs? You think what they were capable of is all you will be capable of?
You are worthy of her love and you are a perfect pet owner, no question about it. We who had less than stellar parents have a drive within ourselves, to give more than we got. To do and say things differently and to love more.
Hugs!
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I didn't consider this aspect of it. Maybe that is the case? My T and I weren't sure at all why it was so overwhelming for me to consider the idea of her dying, but if it's connected to my own fears as a child, that would make sense. I don't remember feeling like that as a young child (although I don't hardly remember anything about myself as a young child). So I guess my answer is maybe?
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Originally Posted by Elsewhere
Have you put her on some kind of flea protection? That's how she got the tapeworms in the first place, from fleas.
And please don't ever talk yourself into the idea that someone else would have adopted her from the shelter and that you should return her; most people adopt kittens.
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She doesn't have fleas right now, and didn't have them in the shelter, so I am guessing she did at some point in the past and got the tapeworm then, and no one has noticed until I did.
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Originally Posted by SoupDragon
If you had all the time and money in the world, what else would you be doing for her?
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Probably not much. I would buy a cat bed, but other than that, nothing different.
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Originally Posted by ThisWayOut
sounds also like you are again falling into the trap of not believing you are good enough to be cared for and loved... was this not also something that came up around your birthday? and then manufacturing evidence about how unlovable you are? am I remembering correctly?
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I know that's part of it. That's why I feel selfish for adopting her and using her for my own company and comfort. I don't "deserve" that, and she doesn't deserve to have to tolerate me. At least, that's how the twisted portion of my brain works.
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Originally Posted by Asiablue
As a cat person, I can tell you right now, if she didn't like you she'd let you know that in no uncertain terms! She would hiss and spit at you, she wouldn't come near you. The fact that you think she seems to like you would indicate me that she does.
You should look up cat body language, it's really interesting and so enlightening. And it might put those fears to rest a bit.
If she's an indoor cat, make sure she has plenty of toys, they love the smell of catnip, play with her that will help give her exercise and both of you to bond.
I know how you're feeling probably isn't about the cat per se, but it you do everything you're supposed to for your cat, that will at least help.
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I have read every article online I can find about cat behavior. And my family has had cats my whole life. I know that you're right and that she does like me. It's just that creates inner cognitive dissonance between "she likes me" and "I am unlikeable" which just stresses me out.
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Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers
I believe your beautiful cat is lucky to have met you. The fact that you think about your cat's feelings tells me that you care for your cat. If you care for your cat, you'll look after your cat. It might just take some time to get to know one another.
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I feel like we clicked immediately, and like she is absolutely perfect for me. But for some reason, that increases my guilt.
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Originally Posted by BonnieJean
Guilt is a feeling and while we can acknowledge, learn from, and accept our feelings, we can also try to let them go. My t is trying to teach me how to let go of some of my feelings so they don't have such a hold on me and my life. Work in progress.
It sounds like you are taking good care of the cat. I've always had a pet cat in the house and it is sad when they die. I don't look forward to it. Loss hurts but it is one of the risks that comes with love. Sort of like a fact of life, I guess.
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Yeah, and I have had cats die in the past. But for some reason, it's overwhelming to consider that with her. I think the above posters who said maybe I felt like my parents were inadequate and I'm projecting might be onto something with that.