Going through a phase myself right now and it is frustrating. You are doing all the right things and just keep reminding yourself of that. You actually have done lots of wonderful things already. You understand what is going on and you know what pitfalls you are trying to avoid. Stay away from the booze no matter what. You have reached out for help to your doctor, and even though you feel abandoned, you continued to reach out for help here. That is HUGE. You are not giving up. Keep reaching! These are all great signs. You have put in place a solid foundation for yourself so that when these depressed times happen (which they do happen), you will survive. Hang in there and know with all your heart that with each day that passes, you have survived one more day and you are one more day toward being happier. Our brain might not always feel that way, but your heart does. That's what really matters.