I've been fighting it. I've been fighting it for a year. Whenever I feel depressed the thoughts come back. But usually that's just a day. Or two. Or three. This last spell, I told myself yesterday, maybe it's because I missed a dose for one of my meds. So I said, wait until the day after you take it. And then what...?

I'm depressed and agitated and irritable. I hate this mix. And I don't feel like sleeping, which is my usual escape.

But I don't want to do it.

I just wanted to put it out there. The depression, it hurts. But I don't want to do it.