I feel like I should just quit therapy and everything that goes along with it. Sure, I go every week to see my T and yes it feels good having someone tell me my feelings are valid and I'm not crazy like I believe I am. But like I leave every time feeling so bad. A few times I've left in crisis.

At least three times a day I get to the point where I am not safe. Like now. I feel crazy during this time. My thoughts are all over the place. I wouldn't call it mania but I just get so triggered and it leads to SH or my ED and sometimes other things that I'm just to embarrassed to say.

I just want this all to stop. I feel like such a burden to my mom because now she has to worry about if her daughter is going to kill herself. I feel like a burden to my T because I'm not getting better. I barely am able to talk to her and I fight to let her in. The truth is, I don't feel like I will ever get better.

I feel like therapy is just playing with my emotions. Like here is someone who cares about me, listens to me, worries, etc... but only for an hour a week but during that hour I have to talk about my feelings and that just makes me unstable. Then the hour is up and I'm on my own and I have to burry those feelings again in order to stay alive yet another pointless week.

I know it is probably not a good idea and believe it or not I would miss my T but it's really starting to become super hard to continue to live.