I am sorry that you are feeling that way! I go through the same thing. For my job I have to smile all the time as I deal with clients all day every day. When I have time off, I normally stay alone as my husband works night shifts. When I am home, I dont always have a smile on my face as I am going through very deep issues myself. The other day I stopped by my moms on my way to work.... and she just look at me and said why are you always so miserable? I broke down and cried.... Everyone always expects me to be happy all the time but really i feel like im dying inside.... and no one ever cares to ask why. Mostly the people like my brother, mother and sister inlaw, dont have a close relationship with me because they are the only ones that see me sad or upset. They cant handle it so they choose not to talk with me which makes me feel like dying even more.