You need a psychiatrist who can do something for you to address your anger and paranoia. Anger and frustration are normal and fantasy can be helpful. But since you acted out a fantasy in the past, I think you should put your fears of weight gain aside and get serious abyour getting better. The newer medications don't have the serious side effects of the older ones. There may be some weight gain but you can take steps to control it. Maybe you can do the food shopping instead of your husband. Also, you can also put the tempting foods in locked cabinets so you can't access them.

As for your kids, remember that they have no control over what your husband does with regard to spending or anything else. You and your husband are the adults, they are just innocent bystanders at the mercy of the decisions both he and you make. Even if you are not violent toward them, an angry, chaotic environment can still be very frightening and can hurt them psychologically. It may be wise to remove yourself or them from the household until you can get your mood under control.