I have trouble sharing emotions with T. Our session today was especially bad...when she was (genuinely) feeling sad about something I was telling her, I just started laughing hysterically for some reason because I was so not connected with my own sadness and I was really uncomfortable that she was acting sad and I didn't feel sad at all. It's been eight months of this, with her trying to get me to connect to my feelings and me...failing. Which is odd, because I am really good at connecting with my feelings when I'm by myself, but never in front of other people. I always feel the urge to downplay stuff or turn it into a joke. I think part of me is genuinely afraid T won't be able to handle it, or that my attachment feelings (which aren't super strong towards her now) will start going crazy once we "share" an emotional experience. I've explained all this to her, and she has been patient with me, but still no dice.

So, how do I do it? I want to talk to her about the hotline thing tomorrow, but I also want to feel a real feeling. That's my goal. But I don't know how to "get in the mood" for that kind of thing. (Oh my goodness this sounds bad!) Maybe if I asked her not to look at me so much it would be better, because when she stares at me with this super sad look on her face, it always makes me want to change the subject or make a joke...but other ideas? How can I get comfortable showing emotions in front of T? Or not even get comfortable, but just DO it?