In life, there tends to be risks with anything we do. That's the first thing you need to get realistic about. Reconnecting with your father will definitely put you at risk of having to get hurt more than you already are. If you absolutely "can't take anymore hurt," then forget about it.

I would also advise you not to do it as a favor to your grandmother. She can see her son just as well from heaven above, as from inside your heart. Either do it to satisfy a need of your own, or don't.

Someone who is heavily involved with alcohol is apt to not make for the best buddy in the world. So when you say you are wanting "to see if a friendship could work," you need to be careful about what it is that you are envisioning. This man's relationships are likely to be dysfunctional, as you have already experienced. How much of that are you up for?

Alcoholics are human beings with hearts like anyone else. They can care, and and they can love. I remember when my baby sister died. My alcoholic uncle was the first person to show up at the wake. He was clean, neatly dressed and sober. This was a big effort for him. He made the effort because he did love us and felt so bad for our family. It was touching because he was actually at the funeral parlor before anyone, waiting in there all by himself . . . just waiting for my parents to say how sorry he was. This was a man who inhabited skid row on a regular basis.

If you have the strength to love someone who is apt to break your heart, then go for it. Since your dad lives in a different country, there are a lot of problems you may be less likely to have. He may be glad to know that you are okay and not bitter toward him, which it doesn't sound like you are. You could be a source of some comfort to him.

Just be real low in your expectations of what he will offer you. He will not be a consistent source of emotional support, in the way that a good friend is likely to be. He may be in and out of tough difficulties in his life that will be disturbing for you to hear about. His mind probably has trouble separating reality from fantasy. If talking to someone like that gets on your nerves, then don't even bother getting involved.

I would recommend that you do some reading on alcoholism. AA, or Al-Anon, is a good source of material, and there are others. You don't want to make a connection and then say to yourself, "OMG, I had no idea his life would be this much of a mess and would never have contacted him, if I had realized that it were."

He may be embarrassed about calling you. My experience is that alcoholics tend to be riddled with shame. If you open some kind of a corridor between him and you, don't press him too much about staying in touch. Just leave a little door open that he can approach as the spirit moves him. At the same time, have an idea of what boundaries you may wish to leave in place.

Knowing more about him could help you better understand the history of your own life and just life in general.