So, 3 days ago I've been to my psychiatrist, and he said I don't have schizophrenia.. but when I told him about my disconnected episodes, like my body would be soulless, like somebody would control me or I would be on auto mode, he gave me 'that' look, like something would be worrisome in this.. but he didn't say nothing, even when I asked him if it may be schizoaffective :s well just mentioned I may be over-analyzing, and that's all..
So it would be nice if somebody could explain me where border between depersonalization/derealization and schizoaffective/etc lies I've heard that ppl with schizophrenia etc. can have dd too, but it's different.. but how different? Do they don't know they felt unreal till it passed or something?
After that visit my depersonalization or whatever it is came back and started to grow, that today I feel like my mind is turned off, my sanity, I'm kind of outside of the body, it's not me, not my body, like I would be a clone of myself with my look and way of thinking, but not 'me'... It's really hard to put this 'feeling' in words :c I felt unreal so many times but this time is different, I feel like I watch but don't see, feel trapped in my body and mind is telling me 'get out of it' while i feel like i's just a body that used to be mine, now it's maybe someone else with different mind.. I typed so many feelings, but 'feelings' are kind of bad word because I 'feel' *yeah again* like only 1% of my mind is scared and working, rest almost don't think and don't feel, and whatever I do is strange, I talk normal and act totally normal as family said, but it feels like I'm on automode, and have very strong compulsions inside, like some kind of beast would force me to him my head to the wall or sth like that.. I know it sounds kinda crazy but I hope someone will understand what I mean :s