I am so glad this came up. This is also my main goal as I used to be very outgoing long ago until my parents killed that trait off sending me to become a mute only spoke when spoken too. I have taken 2 communication classes in college and I have been getting better. I can't seem to relate to people on certain things since I didn't go through it or whatever. The problem I have with communication is someone else is talking and all I do is listen as they don't give me time to get a word in. People would say I do too much listening, but my mind and eyes do wonder else and people have taken that as like you have somewhere to go.

I have a problem with eye contact simply because all of my life of the dirty, evil stares I have gotten from my parents and others like they are out to get me. It's not easy for me to look at people in the eye. I know my social worker told me to tell myself that it isn't an evil look, i have this thing of where I look down while talking and shouldn't do that. Is it strange to be bashful when speaking to someone? I would speak to certain people and would just smile or sometimes if I need to ask someone something I would smile - why is that? I want to be outgoing again, I'd like to host parties and can't be a scared little girl while trying to host a party. My speech isn't so great, I stutter on simple words like my lips get glued when I say a certain word and then people look at me like you can't speak good. Sorry, English is the only language I know and was taught wasn't taught any other language (that would have been nice).

At work, I am in a situation where I am need to be social. It's hard in meetings when I speak as I sound monotone and can't look at my coworkers in the eye in a group setting. I have always had a hard time with concentration and very hard for me to focus when listening to others. I have been working on listening skills since I do answer phones at work. Am I odd or crazy for reading communication books like crazy? Why can't I be outgoing? I don't like the introverted me that isn't me that only became me after years of sheltering and abuse from parents. I'd like to have a life with great friends that I can count on who will be there for me. I shouldn't have to accept the "introverted" part because it isn't something I am proud of.

I am too quiet when speaking to people and turn my head quickly after I said hello. It is part of having trust issues, but I am going crazy reading books trying to find "answer."