I'm not sure of it being a coping mechanism or not I don't really get close to people easily I don't get close to family members I used to taking that I had Reactive attachment disorder but I read that is something for children. My mom I see in many ways as the embodiment of all that I think is wrong with the world. It seems harsh to say but its what I feel but she is like most members of my family they're all alike I'm the different one. It makes me think that there is something wrong with me. Despite the fact that I have other family members who do the same things but I don't have the same resentment. I don't feel close to my other family members either though. She also likes to try and hug me but I don't like being touched by anyone I get cold feeling and my body tenses up. It is possible that I have some type of repressed memory or emotion that causes it I've had repressed memories come back before. But I don't think she has ever done anythingto me. But the thing is that people who have caused me pain or wronged me I don't have any of the same animosity towards them. I do have some for my father they have started seeing each other again the only thing I think of is that I'm mad at her for creating me since I wish I was never born I don't know. I also seem to hold my mom to higher standards than anyone else not that those standards are high pretty simple things. I just don't know.