Hi wants to Fly. I was deeply touched by your post. It seems that we do rely on others to tell us our self worth. My doc is actually really good at knowing this and asks me frequently whyit matters what others think. In great part it is because of severe abuse and neglect and wanting to be safe. However, we all want to be loved and cared for. You have gotten it from all sides, work, love, family. No wonder you are struggling. I have a job that is very important to me but about a year ago I made a really poor choice and it bit me in the butt work wise and suddenly what I felt I was really good at was so threatened. My personhood was threatened. I don't have a magic wand, I don't know how you develop self confidence. I do know that to live closly with ones values and to care for yourself throughout is most important. By living ones values we are touching our souls in a deep way every day. By caring for yourself, taking meds, eating healthy, whatever is for you we start to feel like we are valuable and deserve the care and attention we put into ourselves. Lastly, by having friends who know us well and can reflect us back we can see who we are in the world. Remember each person has their own tinted glass to look from so we have to weigh it. These men have their own issues and your brother would get a good kick in the pants if i knew him. We all carry our baggage. I also want to share with you that in addition to my T with whom I have had a long term relationship, I also have professional colleagues who know my work and with whom I can share. But the most surprising and perhaps the biggest gift is I have been seeing a massage therapist for about 4 years since my son was diagnosed with cancer. (he's well now so no worries please) A friend gave me a gift certificate and I kept going back. With this woman my own age I feel like she helps me connect to myself and feel cared for in a way that words can't touch. In a preverbal sense I think. I mention this because it has helped me feel worth, to have this person see my blubber and all of my pain and continue to treat me with love and respect. In fact, when I was recently very severely depressed it was with her that I realized it as her touch made me release the pain some and I knew I was in deep trouble with depression. Our worth is not measured by our lovers but by the love we leave behind. Live each day with love and reaching out to care for those around you. Loving makes us worthy. We just need to believe it.