I am sorry that you are in this place of darkness. I cant remember when I was last there, but your words strike a chord with me. Feeling so alone and rejected and broken, yet knowing nobody notices, nobody cares. wanting so desperately for somebody to see what is going on inside of me, to recognize the pain I am in, to care about me, yet nobody sees my devastation. I am too good at playing normal. I am isolated and alone. not even my t understands the depths of my fears. I share something deeply troubling, like you said you are evil and bad...I just got thru emailing something similar to t when I had a major meltdown two days ago and she responded that I was good. that does little to alleviate my belief that I am not good enough in gods eyes. but somewhere in this past year or two, I have given up caring that I am alone and nobody cares. it just doesn't seem to bother or trigger me anymore. I have been alone for so long now. I guess I have just accepted that it is up to me, that, like life, I cant count on anybody else and I am ok with that. I really don't know. when I was reading your post I was just thinking how much that used to devastate me and now it doesn't matter to me. maybe my lack of trust in others. who knows. again, I am sorry that you are having to experience life like this. it truly sucks. take care.