It must be some defense mechanism. About five years ago a close family member whom has been in my life since birth passed away quite suddenly. We had a close connection and our relationship great. Anyway, there wasn't a moment during or after the funeral when I cried. The only reason I felt sad and briefly felt choked up was at the thought of other family members who were grieving. To date, I've never truly grieved. My theory is whenever something like this happens to me, my body goes into lockdown mode and completely blocks out the emotional attachment smothering it deep within me. This is why, I think, I suffer from random and varied depression spells. It's like I filled a balloon with air and over time I've been slowly releasing air or emotional pain. I don't know if there is a way to change this. I've tried making myself cry, looking at old pictures, etc. but to no avail. I guess we all deal with things differently.