Zenobia & Rapunzel

I appreciate your response. It's good to hear that I am not alone in seeking these things out.

This is not the first time I have sat down at this website to distract myself from this behavior. (Some of my parts don't like this place for that reason). Most often I read and give others advice and skip the issue that I'm avoiding. Last night was the first time I asked for help specifcally for this.

This is probably some of the most dangerous 'highrisk' behavior that I've been into in the last year.

There are a number of reasons why we do it:
1. It is truly putting the risk in the fate of the elements. This bar that this part frequents is gang infested, prostitute filled, totally annonimous for me. Twentfive years ago when this part was developed, it was where my ex and I frequented. It was a totally different crowd.

2. When I do this, we are in control, even if it's in control of being out of control. Typical self abusive behavior, for me anyway, trying to be in control of our own pain.

3. We have never been let down. We always end up with the "sexual gratification" need met. Whether that need is for some sort of (underlying) nurturing in some way or just being abused.

4. We are living out this fantasy that we still are a sexual being who is desirable.

This has helped me put some definition on the behavior or the urges atleast. Thankyou for allowing me to explore this. pk, (listener)