I believe that your feelings will reveal your truth, whether something happened to you or to someone else in your presence. It sounds like you are trying to get control over feelings and memories that are frightening. If you really crave information to get control over them, understand that the feelings and memories are probably being triggered -- like by the guy in the chat room. This is the time to take good care of yourself. Try expressing what is coming up by drawing it or journaling it. For me, closing my eyes and drawing on paper with a crayon helps the information come out. I use my non-dominant hand. Other times, writing quickly in a journal takes my defenses down and the truth comes out.

I would suggest staying away from the psych diagnoses. That's someone else's job and a lable won't take away the feelings. You don't have to hide from the past -- you can be safe for yourself in the present.

Remember, mouse, you are not alone. You have courage -- I can feel it in what you write. It's o.k. to breath, mouse. You're gonna be fine.

be well,

mtd