I think you should seriously consider DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). I assume that there are a lot of practitioners in Canada. Your nickname includes borderline, but, you seem to be unaware of the limitations that this personality disorder places on you, nor seem to be equipped with effective skills for dealing with your triggers.

Staying friends with an ex is challenging for anyone, but for someone with borderline traits, it is simply counter-indicated.

You also place unrealistic expectations on yourself - you say that you want to be past what you SHOULD be past, but how would you go past it in the absence of skills?

It seems that you have never received psycho-social education, i.e. nobody has spent time with you explaining the personality traits and how to work around them.

There are DBT groups- for one, groups are usually more affordable than one-on-one therapy, and for another, for building skills groups might actually be better, so it is a win-win. Can you research DBT groups in your area?