I think that there are two unrelated issues.

The first issue has been covered by Rose as completely as it can be covered.

The other issue was lurking (for me) in the OP. The way you described how you reacted to the guest ... it did not sound like neatness, OCD, controlling or anything like this. It somehow sounded like PTSD to me.

And then in your subsequent post you said that you were changed by something that you do not want to talk about, and I remembered how I thought of PTSD.

It is understandable that you do not want to talk about painful memories, but for yourself, you might want to try making a connection between those events and your current state.