Pfrog,

Thanks for sharing your family situation with me. Yes it is unbelievably difficult to have such a dysfunctional family. When you try to do the right thing, by forgiving and moving on, others are going to judge you for moving on. They will say that you should not give up on the relationship and keep trying. After 50+ years of trying, I have had enough hurt. Good for you for thinking more of yourself than to keep subjecting yourself to more pain!

My dad came from a really bad situation in the 1920's. His mother died when he was very young, he and his four brothers were sent to live with Aunts and then ended up with some truly evil stepmothers. He will hardly talk about that. The family history is confusing. Amazingly he had a great relationship for many years with his brothers. However, the pathology he had to endure in those formitive years turned him into an angry and bitter person. He took any difficulties he had with life out on my poor sweet mom and myself. He liked to pick on people he considered to be weak. He was a weekend alcoholic it seemed and then nastiness ensued!

I say all that to show how I was brought up to think I was not worth a dime and never would be worth anything. My innate personality was very sensitive to cruel remarks so that just did not work for me. My sister had the personality of my dad, she adopted that mean spirited way of dealing with life and continues on with that ever since. She would deny that, states that she has lots of friends. She has pets she loves to death, puts on a very caring demeanor to others which she has never show to me. That is ironic because that is exactly how my dad treated me.

So that is my family history 101, unpleasant as it was. I definitely should make new friends and find a new 'family' but that is going to be difficult with all this social anxiety going on right now. Allegedly it will get better according to folks that have gone through this time of protracted withdrawals from klonopin and benzos. Allegedly! I hope so, I need to get a new life at age 59!