So my anxiety has been building more and more over the past week or so. Yesterday I lost it when my girlfriend (over in England--I'm in the US) was drinking with a couple of her guy-friends.

I trust her, but I don't trust them. It might be my personal experiences, but I had an attack, and then later when I got home as well. She got totally wasted and couldn't even type to me, so her friends messaged me to tell me how she was doing.

Apparently she kept talking about how I was mad at her, over and over. I wasn't mad, but I did freak out a little because she knew how nervous I was with her staying with a bunch of teenage boys for 3 days, overnights too. I thought, "She knows how much I worried of them taking advantage of her.. so she goes and gets incomprehensibly drunk?"

I overreacted, and felt bad about it. I apologized to her repeatedly. She felt bad for not keeping my mind at rest, even though it wasn't her fault.

I was up til 12 or 1 because the voices in my head were saying awful things about me. All true, but hurts to hear, nonetheless.
I woke up at 4am and it got worse. They were yelling and telling me to hurt myself so I did, sobbing uncontrollably. I hit myself in the head a few times out of pure frustration at the situation.

I haven't felt like that since I tried to kill myself 6 years ago, at 14. It was kind of scary.