Hey there, everyone. This is going to be a little long, sorry. So i have this exam coming up in like 15 months which will literally change my whole life. I get really anxious over it and it usually goes like this: (Ps i'll be posting this at the school and study issues forum too)
#1 I study, study and study.
#2 I get too nervous at some point and can't bear the thought of studying any longer. I get cramps in my stomach whenever i try to do so.
#3 I drop the studying for a while, trying to relax and relieve all the tension.
#4 Then i feel guilty and i can't help but think "i should be studying right this moment. i should be studying right this moment. i'm wasting time. i'm falling behind. i'm no good."
#5 It doesn't help that every single friend of mine is studying whenever i see them.
#6 The guilt increases my stress level and it becomes the only thing i can ever think of; the fact that i'm so stressed.
#7 It enables me from studying cause i can't focus.
#8 It enables me from relaxing and having fun for a change, cause i feel stuck and guess what, guilty.
#9 I end up freaking out.
Aaaand i have recently started showing those syptoms:
*tense muscles
*involuntary trembling of the body
*tension headaches
*fatigue
*poor concentration
*difficulty remembering things
*diarrhea
common symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder, ya know.
6 months ago i have finally managed to overcome depression, which was caused by my studies (again) in the first place. And now this. I know i just gotta "drop the attitude" and "chill out", but i've got these pretty high standarts. Everyone, myself included, expects A LOT from me. Failing is not an option, average or above average is not an option. Perfect, it has to be. I know i have been pushing myself too far for too long, but seriously, i don't honestly know what else i'm supposed to do to achieve my disturbingly high goals, which i have the potential to achieve but still need to work my *** off. (did i sound too egoistic over there? hopefully not)
Overall, i know i've babbled to much, but if anyone has anything to say about my "situation", please do share. I'd love some extra opinions and i'd be grateful for the help.
With love,
A Success Obsessed So Called Perfectionist Girl.
