I am in an abusive relationship aswell. It is all very stealthily achieved and have only just discovered the term "Gas Lighting" .
For me it has not been obvious but a very slow growing problem that I did not understand. I strive to be an honest person and examine myself when in any situation to see if I could be the one at fault.

With I am faced with is more than just my relationship as there is a "group of people" that have now been affected by the actions of my wife and another person. I'm sure that comment speaks for itself. I do not wish to be straight out with what I am explaining yet.

I am savy when it comes to understanding and am a good listener.
I did learn in my early 20's about comunication and know that it is a vital ingredient to get through trauma. Yet it seems to be the 1 thing most people do there best to avoid or take advantage of it. I guess that makes sense seeing as those that wish to be controlling and manipulative realize the power of it.

It's not an easy road to be on.