Ever since my severe depression began (about 11 years ago) I always told myself that I would be reasonable and give life a really good chance to pick up until I turned 25. I don't really know what I expect to happen when I reach that age... maybe I'll just 100% lose my mind or do something really stupid if things aren't okay by then. Well last month I turned 23 and it seems as though my life is going downhill. It hit me that 25 is less than two years away now and it scares me to think that if the last 11 years were so rough, what does the future have in store for me?

I guess I've been thinking about this more today than ever because I do feel like I'm losing my mind now. I have this absolute hatred for EVERYTHING. I'm really not a rude person (even though what I'm about to say might seem otherwise) but I actually, really hate all humans (with the exception of my parents and sister). I have yet to come across a decent person with morals. I'm serious. Even my own relatives get my blood boiling. I've travelled around a lot, I've lived in many places, been to different countries and the mere thought of people in any of those places just disgusts me. And believe me, I'm at the top of my list of people I despise. I know that there's probably that one decent person floating around somewhere, but what are the odds that I'll ever run into them? I feel crazy! I hate feeling this way (hatred wears you out) but I also don't want any despicable person's help. I feel more alone than ever when I feel this way. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this (maybe one of you are the one decent person out there... I don't know(?)) So please don't take offense to this... it's just how I feel.