I (26/F) have been dating my BF ( 27/M) for 8 years now. Most of the time things are ok. I never imagined myself only ever being with 1 person, but it seemed to work out. Probably 4.5 years back I met another guy where I was working. We instantly clicked - it seemed too easy. We were clearly attracted to each other and we got along great. Nothing ever happened because I was in a relationship. Another year goes by - tensions between him and I increase. This is a summer job only so once that summer ends we continue to keep in contact (texts, Facebook messages). This causes a wedge between my BF and I and we end up breaking up. Still, due to the other guy being immature and playing games - nothing ever happens. My BF and I end up getting back together. At this point the other guy and I have little contact… a few times a year or less. About 8 months ago he contacts me and we begin talking again - just like we used to. A month or 2 later my BF confronts me when he finds the others' name in my Snapchat. I lie at first and tell him nothing was going on. It ends up coming out that we were speaking again and it absolutely crushes him. I led on that it was more one-sided (other guys end) than it was. We stay together and our already pretty trust issues are now worse because of this.

Side note - my BF has always been very insecure. I'm pretty sure I have some deep rooted attachment issues which, I think, is the reason I have held on to the relationship with my BF so long. I've always felt controlled and that he's tried changing me, but then I get made to feel like it's all in my head. I have allowed our lives to become so consumed with each other it totally freaks me out. I have no friends and he doesn’t see a problem with it - just always says he doesn't understand why I need my own life.

Now fast-forward 3 weeks ago. I have blocked the other guy on every social media platform possible and attempted to block his phone number. It didn't work however, because I received a text from him asking if I was single yet. I ignored it and deleted it. He texts me again a day or so later. This time I respond. I was strong at first - I was not being nice, trying to explain that I couldn't be nice to him. Like always though - due to some seemingly magic spell he has on me, I weaken. I made it clear that I spent a lot of time trying to get him to realize what could have been. He begins to tell me that he regrets a lot of what happened (and didn't happen) in the past. He was beginning to think a lot about his life and realized that I was the only girl ever stuck out in his mind - and we haven't even dated or been more physical than a hug, EVER. He says that he feels bad for the problems he caused in my relationship in the past but now he knows what he wants and is going to do whatever he has to. We talked every day, all day, for 3 days straight. For whatever reason, I decide to go see him after work 1 night. We talked for a bit and we kissed. We kissed for longer than we spoke. There was some heavy touching but no sex. I left to him telling me the ball was in my court. We spoke the next day and made plans to see each other again a few days after. He says he realized that he definitely couldn't jump into anything but he would be willing to see where it went, no promises. He does make 1 sarcastic comment about us not being able to actually really do anything because we couldn't go in public together although it wasn’t a really a problem yet. The weekend passes and I don’t hear anything from him (I didn’t expect to since he knows I'm still with my BF). Monday passes and nothing. Tuesday (plan night) comes and I don't hear anything. I text him and don’t get a response. I wait a couple hours and text him again simply saying that I just need to know what's going on for that night, I got the response of - I can't tonight. At that’s it. No communication since at all. I have been ravaging my brain trying to figure out what's going on. Deep down I feel I should just leave my BF because now I've cheated - with the same guy that has continually come between us. My BF noticed a difference in me. I tried leaving him - it was difficult to do it without telling him I cheated on him. So, I didn't tell him and we are still together. I explained how unhappy and unsure I was and that I wanted some time. He said that there is no taking time. Either we are together or we are done, for good. I'm scared I am not gonna make the right decision. My BF keeps asking what he can do to make this better for me or to make me happier and I just don't know if anything will work. I am unhappy and maybe I've been unhappy but willing myself to stay because I don’t want to be alone. And now I feel rejected at the same time by the other guy. Maybe he did mean those things he said but doesn’t want the drama of me being in a relationship. Or maybe he didn’t mean any of it.