Hello whitered123: This is really something you need to discuss with a professional, either your family physician, a therapist, or a psychiatrist. This does not sound at all stupid & you are not going insane. But there is something going on, & you need the help of a professional to figure out what it is & what should be done about it.

Presently I have a kidney stone I'm trying to pass. And so I've had to go to a urologist for help figuring out what needs to be done. Your situation isn't substantially different. Please don't feel so embarrassed or ashamed that you don't get the professional help you need. My best wishes to you...

P.S. Welcome to PsychCentral!