I think you try to control her because really deep down you do love her and don't want to lose her. I think in your life, maybe when you were a young boy still, you have found it to be the case that when you're not in control, you tend to lose things, and that psychological scar is with you to this day. With inanimate objects it works, but with people it doesn't, the more you try and control or pull them in, the more you push them away.

The biggest challenge, but also the path to freedom, for the controlling person is to do the one thing he finds most difficult to do, and that is to hand over control.

It's like a pilot trying to fly the plane, and doing the copilot's work, and doing the air-hostesses' work because he feels he can't trust them on their own. He's going to have a hard time focusing on HIS job of flying the plane, I'm sure you agree. The only way for him to do his job of flying the plane is to trust the others enough to do their job.