I started to gave her presents only for the last two weeks. I made a huge mistake, after i gave her a beautiful ring, then she asked for ipad, said she she needed it for studies. I told her i can't afford it at the moment, maybe i could buy some cheaper tablet with time when i save up a little money. But she said that she needed it for urgent and asked a permission to ask my ex-friend to buy her as birthday present since he has a lots of money. I was foolish enough to say that she can ask him about it. And of course he bought her best ipad in the shop and that raised attraction between them. She started to talk about ex-friend everyday, what a great and cool guy he is. Well, i felt bad about it, so i borrowed money and wanted to show her that i can give her nice things too, that im not worse than him. And apparently, result was exactly opposite of my intention and i did a lot of other mistakes. Now im stuck with incredibly strong regret and self-blame. I remember exactly what i did what made her lose respect and feelings for me. I feel so disgusted by my actions. I left them alone for 30 minutes one time. Still cant forgive myself for it. Sex with me was so bad for her, i couldnt last more than 8 minutes, so she wasnt satisfied. I said so stupid and pathetic words to her, still cant believe how i could say it. Like my life is empty and boring without her. Like i dont like my life in general and she is my only hope to get better. How could i be such blind and dumb idiot? Now i see that everything that happened is my fault only. How to live with this? I cant take it anymore. Im out of money and cant afford any more therapy. And its impossible to borrow more money for now. This is dead end.