my t is nice and tall. i'm pretty tall and typically have had eastern p-docs who were shorter and more lightly built than me so its nice to have an aussie p-doc who is taller than me. i think it's easier to idealise when you have to look up at 'em a little :-)

he has great hands too. i won't tell you the erotic transference i've had over his hands lol. probly have said already lol. but anyway... his hands are great. and there is something about the nape of the neck... not that i've really seen his or anything... but something. i dunno.

nobody looks like my t. or not that i've noticed anyway. i get scared i'll see him in public sometimes. or even worse i'm scared i'll see him in public with his family. ewwwwwwwwww that would not be nice :-(

the erotic transference thing is hard for me. NEVER going to talk about that in ONE MILLION YEARS lol.

part of it is about... my wishing i was a little kid... 'cause i feel like a little kid a lot. emotionally vulnerable. needing to be comforted and loved. i wish i was small enough to curl up on his lap and put my arms around his neck and just have him hold me and rock me and murmer to me and soothe me.

then... something weird happens... and i think if i could comfort him in some way then... he might not leave me. he might love me and he might want to see me and not want to leave me. and so i think about comforting him and stuff... playing with his hands and the nape of his neck...

and of course it all goes downhill from there.

:-/

i spect i'll hafta talk about this one day.

argh.