H B, maybe you are right and I hope you are but I disagree with yyour comment that I idealise relationships.
I had only one bf who I wanted to f*** me but our relationships ended too fast and we didnt have sex what I regret now because I wanted him.
Now Im attracted to my T and also want my T to f*** me, his touches was like heroin but I cant be with him and I felt so lonely, broken and stupid.
Then I met my current bf. At first I really wanted sex, I thought it will help me and make me happy. My boyfriend was so nice to me at first. He was okay I work and study and cant see him more then twice a week (okay he always are unsatisfied about it), I didnt want to go to his city so he got apartment where we can live and he pays for it and buys food etc (and are unsatisfied), he says Im the girl he wanted all his lifetime and Im his dream but I have only one bad thing- I dont like sex. He blames me spending money because of me saying that he can give me anything but he needs sex. Sometimes I feel like a *****. I dont know how relationships should be. When we had sex he told me - you are wonderful, I love you so much.
Its not annoying that he says what good he did to me, its depressing... I feel like je takes away all my energy.
My best friend told me that I just need someone but not him but I feel attached to him. Maybe not him but situation that he is. He is always ready to see me. Any day and any time.
I feel so miserable being alone esspecially if Im in love with my T.
Its so difficult... I dont know what I want and Im afraid tto make a mistake.