Well, I'm the same way, littlep and I agree with YOU, emwell. Yes! Who's system is right! I'm always out of step with the majority of those around me. I just despise those smug people for instance who think they've "made it" solely because of their own "hard work and dedication" while they label those who didn't "make it" lazy--or worse.

I've done reasonably well (emphasis on the reasonably); probably could have done "better" (depending on one's definition of "making it" ); still, with all my problems I still consider myself to be a caring person who realizes that none of us ever "makes it" or doesn't "make it" based solely on our own actions. We live in a society--we have parents, friends, relatives, associates and they all play a role in how we turn out--good or bad; in other words, we don't live in a vacuum so we can neither take all the credit for the good or all the discredit for bad.

Am waiting for a definitive diagnosis on whether or not I have ADD, and look forward to getting help to feel better. I'm ill tempered; will argue on any subject; unfocussed (I know how to be irate but can't always find the right words or recall the sources I want to site; disorganized; loathe and despise authority--but in a passive aggressive way when to do otherwise would cause great personal trouble; can't think in linear fashion; can't stay on topic; obsess over things which will probably never come to pass; can't keep track of my gardening tools; and will procrastinate until there's a knife at my throat and then I move at lightening speed. Only I can live with me in other words.

However, the one thing I don't want to change is my humanistic feelings. Littlep, you sound to me like you have a heart. Maybe it's the way we look at the world--we see the negative while everyone wants us to focus on the positive. That's ok, but not to see the negative is for me anyway pure folly. And I too have lost many "friends" but because I tend to be a loner, it doesn't really adversely affect me. I expect that I will be verbally combative with the psychiatrist when I see her, 'cause psychiatry is not a science but rather a skill which needs to be administered with understanding, insight, and delicately. She'd better be adept at being less direct with me, else I will need to be direct with her. You see, I haven't met the poor woman and already I'm doing battle in my head with her. Yes, as I write this I can see where I might have a problem or two. :]

Still, I'm wondering if it's all that bad playing the devil's advocate--that can be fun and educational. I guess it's how we play it. I must confess I play to win and I generally take no prisoners. This does not endear me to many, but my real friends--surprisingly I do have a few--know that I debate with passion--that I really believe my theories and more, I try my best to practice what I preach--so these friends afford me a little slack. To others, I'm just plain anti-social.

Well, I'm looking forward to the process of getting some help to try and sort this whole thing out. For now, though, I'm hanging on to my beliefs which are well left of centre. My beliefs aren't the problem really; my methods of debate are. Oh joy!

Come to think of it, if it weren't for all the other dire (to me at least) ADD symptoms that I have, I could deal with being out of sync with "the norm."