You just have to take it one day at a time. I'm hear to tell you this, the a lone feeling is not as bad as knowing you are married and you are still a lone. I can't stand the thought of a roach must less step on one because it crunches. But in the last 5 months I have learned to get a fly flip slap that little thing and put it down the toilet. I have a religious bug man that goes to every house I live in because of the fear of bugs. Well the reason I was having them coming in is because I had a new heating/cooling unit put into my house and they did not put new ducting on bathroom and bedroom vent. The old had dry rotted. Well to find out the problem because I wasn't going to be jerked around when I call them to come back to check on it I went under my house where the bugs were coming from just so I could tell them what I seen and wanted it to be fixed. You can do anything you set your mind to and don't let it get you down. The thing with being afraid you will go back for security reasons is a different story, this is a on going battle for me. I hope I can stay strong enough to not go back because of this reason and everyday I pray for God to give me strength to not do this. I know in my mind it was not good for me to be with him but not having someone for that void in my life is very scary. I pray that you can find some way to fight it and if you do please share with me. I will be praying for you and good luck!