Thanks everyone. I feel less lonily with your kind words.
Whenever i fall into a depressed slump its so hard to get back out. It feels like i never will.
Its so hard to explain to people.
My mum phoned me. She said i sounded down.
I said i am
"Why what happened"
At this point everything inside me churned. Nothing happened. Nothing. There isnt a reason. I am just depressed. I waned to scream or hang up the phone. But i tried to stay calm.

Daniel you are completely right, i do confuse lonilness with me not fitting in being a looser or a freak even though it is me who willingly isolates my self.