People tell you that you need to be honest with your feelings. Not just say "fine" but to be honest. Tell them what you are really feeling. They promise to help you and stand by you. To always be there.

And you drop the walls. Open up your heart. For the first time in ten years allow people, and yourself, to see the real you. Your fears, insecurities, and pain open for the world to see. You open your heart, place it in the hands of those that promise to stand by you.

And they get irritated and angry. How can you not control yourself? Your emotions? Your thoughts? Why are you so self-defeating? Why do you give up? How can something that happened years ago still bother you? Why don’t you try harder? Oh, it is pity-party time. Here we go, beating yourself up again. Listening to the lies. Get over it. Stop doing it. I don’t have time for this. I am not in the mood.

And you realise that it was all a lie. Nobody cares. You are allowed to feel. But only when it fits in to how they want you to feel. Only that when it suits them.
Must be a terrible disappointment to realise that you are not the strong, happy person they met. That you are not in control. That you are pathetic and weak and broken.

And you will lock away your heart. Lock away the feelings. They are not needed. Nobody needs to or wants to see them. They are just a hindrance.

I am fine. Because in the end it does not really matter.