I sent this email to my T. Usually she responds but I've been sending her emails and relying on her lately and I don't want to keep on pressing for her thoughts.

"I'm sorry I keep on writing you emails and interrupting your day. I'm struggling right now. Questioning a lot of things. Like what's the purpose of life? Why go through all of this if we're just going to die one day anyway? I just don't get the point. Yes I have things that I want in my life but why keep on trying to convince myself that those things will happen when they might and probably won't? Why put in the work when I don't know if I will ever be happy. Contrary to what people say I don't think you can ever choose to be happy. Had I known there was a choice don't you think I would've have chosen not to be miserable. I need a guarantee that life is worth living and I'll be able to have to simple things that I want in my life, a husband and kids and hapiness. I know that no one can give me that guarantee which is frustrating. What coping skill do you use for all of this? Why try to redirect your thoughts if what you're thinking is true?
If emotions are like waves then I must be in the trough of one right now. Cause I was okay last night and then within the last couple of hours hit a low point. It seems like I can never seem to get to the crest of the wave. I keep on looking for things that will make me happy with what I have now and I just can't see it. There's got to be more to life then just this. And if there isn't.. Well it just doesn't make sense to stick around."

Right now we are doing DBT and I don't know if that has anything to do with why she hasn't responded, but if it doesn't, I kind of understand why she hasn't said anything. Honestly, what is she going to say? She can't tell me that my life is going to turn out to be something more then it is now (work,eat,sleep,repeat). But I wonder what everyone else thinks?