Wow. I think you need to go back to therapy and talk about your mother. While you may not be able to confront her, that really isn't the issue. If you can't have the issue of your mother brought up without going into a rage and having your body convulse, then I don't think your method of choice in dealing with her has been effective. I have a very ineffective mother that thinks only of herself and in my deepest hour of need always manages to put the conversation back on her in the blink of an eye. Infuriating. I talked about it with my therapist, I can now smile and laugh on the inside and no longer take it as a personal assault. It is much better for me to be able to do that. I wish she wouldn't, but I can't change that.

Talk it out. Go back to therapy and finally finish therapy. Better yet, don't stop. With your history it sounds like you might need to go for a while.