Quote:
Originally Posted by shamon86
I sent this email to my T. Usually she responds but I've been sending her emails and relying on her lately and I don't want to keep on pressing for her thoughts.
"I'm sorry I keep on writing you emails and interrupting your day. I'm struggling right now. Questioning a lot of things. Like what's the purpose of life? Why go through all of this if we're just going to die one day anyway? I just don't get the point. Yes I have things that I want in my life but why keep on trying to convince myself that those things will happen when they might and probably won't? Why put in the work when I don't know if I will ever be happy. Contrary to what people say I don't think you can ever choose to be happy. Had I known there was a choice don't you think I would've have chosen not to be miserable. I need a guarantee that life is worth living and I'll be able to have to simple things that I want in my life, a husband and kids and hapiness. I know that no one can give me that guarantee which is frustrating. What coping skill do you use for all of this? Why try to redirect your thoughts if what you're thinking is true?
If emotions are like waves then I must be in the trough of one right now. Cause I was okay last night and then within the last couple of hours hit a low point. It seems like I can never seem to get to the crest of the wave. I keep on looking for things that will make me happy with what I have now and I just can't see it. There's got to be more to life then just this. And if there isn't.. Well it just doesn't make sense to stick around."
Right now we are doing DBT and I don't know if that has anything to do with why she hasn't responded, but if it doesn't, I kind of understand why she hasn't said anything. Honestly, what is she going to say? She can't tell me that my life is going to turn out to be something more then it is now (work,eat,sleep,repeat). But I wonder what everyone else thinks?
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I've read some of your previous posts. A couple of points:
You say (in previous posts) that you had lower than normal thyroid and are taking supplements. Have you been re-tested? I think it often takes some iteration to get that right.
The other point is I suspect that your overall approach to this problem is way too passive. If you had a broken leg, it would make sense to go to your doctors and passively do whatever they tell you do to and expect it to work. I suspect, however, that this approach rarely works for depression. Why is that? It's because depression and passivity are very closely related. If you stay passive about improving your life, it is quite likely that you are going to stay depressed also.
You have to break the spell and get active. You say in previous posts that you have 'tried everything' and nothing has worked. I think that you really mean that you have tried everything that you docs told you to do and nothing has worked. Am I wrong? If I'm right, get out there and search for something better. There are many possibilities. Look for what has helped others. If you need more professional help, tell your docs that what they're doing isn't working and ask for alternatives. Also, ask them to be sure if they have checked for any purely medical or nutritional issue that could be causing your depression.
- vital