Hi there,

Wow, that sounds like you're having a really, really hard time. Do you have a therapist to talk to. I know it really helps me a lot. I also know that sometimes it is really good for me share what's going on with other people that understand, like on this forum. Talking to people reminds me that the voice that sometimes tells me I'm awful is a lying voice.

It took listening to people that cared and understood, for me to believe that I'm not awful or terrible. I was lucky to be in a support group. Anyhow, if you were in my support group i would tell you that you're not awful. No matter what, you're not terrible. You deserve to feel OK and not bad. Can you talk to someone to see if your meds need adjusting? That's really helped me when i got to feeling really, really bad.

I think dealing with relationships is pretty advanced stuff. As hard as learning physics or something. I'm still learning and pretty much a beginner. Please, take it easy on yourself.