For a while now, I have been sabotaging my life so that it can push me closer to kill myself and so I can have a bunch of excuses to do it. I continue to wait for something bad to happen. Ive been doing this without thinking about it. I don't think I can succeed in life, so I have been just been here waiting to die. I'm not sure what to do about this. Has anyone else done this and found their way out of it?