You matter. Keep trying. Reach out to people who've depression, they understand better than those who don't. I find going to a group therapy to be wonderful support. People really open up there, and honestly know what you are going through. They even know how are it can be to explain things to loved ones and get the "you're just having a pity party" speech and to "just get over it" ( just one drives me crazy. If i could "just get over it" i flipping would!). Keep trying. You matter. Your feelings matter.