Hey guys, update! Knowing what I'm doing at this point isn't serving me well at all. The equipment that I have is really an obstacle to me (and other) co-workers doing an efficient job. I have to do the work of 3 people and if I miss a step I have to justify my every move. It's really getting frustrating. This job is just as involved as a full-time job. I don't have the energy to work on my art out of work the way I want but I really don't like to blame my laziness on outside circumstances. I do have anxieties about being reprimanded at work. My bf says that I'm over thinking it and it's going to be alright…until I go in to work and I'm given a run-down on everything that I did wrong; my worries are always justified and I can't simply not care. I've also come to the conclusion that I have a total inability to compartmentalize aspects of my life. I just go through these cycles where I really just have no motivation or energy to work on my art (the most viable ticket out of this hellish cycle of needing a job) and then other times I'll just be naturally hyped about my future…then something stressful happens and the ball just drops.

I just really don't know what to do. I could try to get another part-time job but most jobs are just filled with different brands of the same b.s. I tried getting an office job but that doesn't work. I really need to make money with my art which can work but isn't working fast enough. I can't go back to school and I would still need a job even if I did. I'm beyond stuck right now.