Day 67 Blog from India....nice photo of him, he has lost weight, looks good.
I'm trying to look at this time as a transition. On one hand I am so in contact with his every day activities, yet not in contact with him physically. I cant reach out and touch him, cant hear his voice, cant see him for weekly therapy. He lives electronically and in my heart. So, this period of time should help me unattach myself from him as my T, as the real person in front of me while at the same time have a means of contact I never had before. This should help me right? The next phase, will be when he returns in 4 months. I will no longer have him as my T, I will no longer be able to read his blog, see photos of him, I will be a what? Friend....never. Ex-patient. I don't know where that puts me. I cant go over to his house, I cant attend a party with him, meet his family. He has a live in woman partner he loves and has been with for 15 years. I cant be part of that world of family and friends. But, He said he would keep in touch with me when he returns. So I am imaging an occasional email. An occasional call. Maybe a chance to meet for coffee. I don't know what to expect, but I don't think it's going to be enough for me and I don't want to stalk him (ha ha)

I don't want to tell my current T about the continued contact or even his blog. My Ex T seemed concerned about me doing so, as he thought the new T would have issues with that. That somehow it might interfere with current therapy. I told him that it wouldn't be a problem for me and that I don't plan to mention it. It's not that I'm trying to keep a secret, it's that its none of new T's business. I think he would have issues with it . He already bashed my Ex T about his loose boundaries, and I think he is blaming my feelings of love that developed on that. So I don't feel I can be honest about everything him, all he knows is that I'm having a hard time grieving over him
in the present. And I don't know what the future may bring.