I emailed to cancel sessions stessing I wasn't avoidant but financially strapped right now.

My therapist came back and said, hope you find a way to come.

I said I'm not lying, I can't pay.

She said come back whenever you can then. But then said 'I'm here'. I flipped out a bit at this and said, no, as I will be on benefits and am suicidal and therefore not able to apply for more jobs, take a reality check - I will never be able to afford to come back, so stop the bs you aren't 'here' really. And I called her insensitive.

She said to come tomorrow anyway, that I wasn't understanding her. But that she won't tolerate abuse. I felt a bit sick. Abuse is a touchy word for me. I don't want to turn into a monster who abuses people, if that's happening then there really is no hope.

Was what I said abusive?? I don't feel like myself at all - it's like there is a strange poisonous mist that touches every interaction I have with anyone so I don't know. I don't feel able to assess things, and usually it is her that I would check stuff out with. It does not feel like abuse to me but I am in a very bad place so not a good judge.