It may be hard to see but I think you telling people that you are not okay at all and that you feel like something else has taken over your mind and body is extremely brave of you.

Would you be willing to reply to your T? I wouldn't apologize for your last email. You were being honest about your feelings and usually a T wouldn't acknowledge an apology (which is annoying lol). I would say something along the lines of "I'm really frustrated about where I am at the moment. I don't understand why you are encouraging me to come when Im financially unable to."

I do think she made a error saying that she felt abuse by your words. That should be something to address in person. A T should be able to hold a clients frustration and not take it personally.