Ok- here's some more info.

I was working with my t and I was able to tell her most of everything... At least the basic run down and she said most likely PTSD. I know she can't diagnose.

So a couple months ago I see a pychiatrist. I'm not sure what the first one put me down as because I didn't ask and he didn't say.. I couldn't really say much to him. Then second pychiatrist I was a bit better with, was able to tell a bit about past anise but since he was male I personally just have a really hard time discussing things with men, let alone anything sexual (uncomfortable just for me to type that). Anyways, so he takes family history which very well could be wrong, now that I know of actual causes of PTSD and hyper and hypo arousal, I told him I thought as well as relatives, that she was bipolar however, she went through worse trauma than me! (I learned from aunts about her past). Anyways, my brother was diagnosed as bipolar II but I doubt he mentioned any abuse or how he was the cause of lots. So anyways, point is, I told him they were bipolar but that is based on my (then way more) limited knowledge. So I don't think family history is a fair and a curate way of diagnosing someone.

Then, since he didn't ask my feels towards sex, or if I dissociate (he did ask about flashbacks but I really didn't understand what they were at the time.. I get it now) but I said no. So he said since you have a husband and a child I do not think you are PTSD because most people who have gone through childhood sexual abuse shy away from relationships and I wasn't at the point to argue why my marriage and child is a big fake entity to my so much wanting a 'normal' looking life.

Second visit with the is psychiatrist he did end up asking about my sex life and I said, actually it is not good, I don't ever engage unless I have been drinking and I won't get into much more detail, but it's nil (because of me of course). And he said low libido is a side effect of depression Meds or something along that line and told me to google a sex therapist because- get this- you don't want him to go looking outside the marriage.... Well no **** asshole. So of course, I clammed up and couldn't talk after that.

It's all through a government program (I am thankful I have that option, I feel so bad for the us peeps) but it means I am kinda at the mercy of what they have available.

I'm not saying I'm not bipolar, I do see definite signs, but hey so much run into PTSD and like stops of said, I don't want wrong treatment or Meds or to think I have a problem gay isn't there. I do that **** enough.