So I have been with this man for 12 years. We fell in love fast and hard. The passion was immense and I was so infatuated with him. He was everything I ever wanted. We had dreams. Dreams that were coming true 1 by 1. In 2009 we married. Today we have a 22 month old beautiful child whom we both adore. But last January, the love of my life slept with another woman.

This was a 1 time affair that I caught 3 days after it happened. He has had no contact with her, removed himself from social media, and allows me to look in his phone when I want. I have no suspicions that he has any intentions of doing this again. It was a one drunk night at the bar incident. He no longer goes out to bars without me. He has been doing anything I ask this whole last year. But still I feel like we are falling apart. Our intimacy is fading. He doesn't really openly communicate with me about things going on in his life, his work, his wants.. nothing. I don't think I'd know anything about him if I didn't always ask about his day, ect. ect.

I have been to therapy, I have been to church, I have talked to my man about my expectations of a marriage. I have talked about my hurt and anxiety. I just think he has nothing more to say than "I'm sorry. It meant nothing. I was in a bad place in my mind. It won't happen again."

I miss us! I miss having fun with him. I wonder if he's only trying to make it work because of our child, or if he truly is IN love with me. There is no doubt he loves me. I know that. He has been here holding my hand through surgery. He helped me through my very bad pregnancy and many other times I needed him the most. I just feel like a piece of us is missing now and SHE has it. I hate that I can't get the images of those text messages describing the details of his sexual encounter out of my head. I want it to go away so we an be back to us. Will it ever be better or am I trying to hold onto something that is completely lost? I feel like after a year I should be past this since I chose to come back home and forgive him. But I really don't know if he is even happy here with me. His child makes him happy. I see that in the way he cares for her. But for us, I feel like it's all fallen apart.