Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
I think you might be unfair to her.
OK, I realize that it is harsh, but I am yet to see another post in which insecurities and MS are paired up so nonchalantly. Do you even realize what it is for a young woman to receive a dx that may mean that she would not be able to have children?? What roughhousing are you even talking about?
You wrote "instead of accepting anything" as if:
1) it is no big deal and a piece of cake to accept a diagnosis that radically challenges your plans and dreams, possibly reduces your life expectancy, crushes your hopes for having children one day
2) you of course would easily accept everything.
I am just so appalled. trying not to sound harsh, but, on the other hand, you asked for advice in the last sentence of your post, so here is the advice for you:
Tell her the truth. Tell her that you have no idea what she is going through.
And leave it at that. As a moment of truth. Without expectations, communications skills, direct or indirect but just as a moment of truth. She might appreciate it, and at least she won't be annoyed the way she is annoyed when you initiate roughhousing against the backdrop of what must have been huge neon-color letters that spell "LEAVE ME ALONE TO LICK MY WOUNDS AND DO NOT RUB SALT INTO THEM".
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Ok, I understand that I did not go at this right! So here is the breakdown so maybe you understand more that her Lupus Dx did not really negatively affect me.
My g/f and I started dating April of 2014, after about two months of dating I realized that she seemed very emotionless and that I didn't really feel like she cared or desired me as much as she says. We talked about this issue and she still never showed emotion, she would just get high. I would pour my heart out and she would not respond. I wanted her to show me with more than words sooooo bad....
August of 2014, her and I break up due to this issue and she believes im just being dramatic and insecure, I begin to miss her and feel guilty, we get back together....
October 15-21? My g/f goes to the doctor for a blister on her belly button and gets blood tests done, doctors say its most likely HSV...
Oct. 31st 2014, we disagree all day, I feel she is being more distant....
November 5th, 2014 my g/f gets a call from the doctor and the doctor informs her she might have lupus... but needs to see a specialist...
I could see myself with this woman forever, and I feel the love inside for her, and I try my best to show it! Her Lupus dx did not affect me, I was ready to take it on, willing to change lifestyles... I expressed this many times and even went shopping so we could start eating healthier.... her distance grew stronger, her lack of affection got worse, her smoking weed increased... I understand she is terrified and her dx can ruin her life, but that is not and never was the issue.... after her dx her sadness grew, her anxieties got worse, and her trust in me lessened....
I do everything I can, I know I am insecure and over think, but I would try and I just felt I never got the effort back, she never wanted to really let go and connect with me. She still had walls, before her lupus dx and now after the dx those walls thickened and grew taller.
Lupus isn't the issue, Lupus has only been a part of her and us for only 3 weeks... we have been a couple for 8 months.