I do hope you can find a way to relocate and possibly attend college or a community college that separates you from your current home/community. It seems that going out and living independently, trial and error and finding a like-minded social circle may be that start of an awakening/unfolding process for you. Moving away from my hometown and experiencing life on my own worked wonders for me after struggling through middle and high school. College is as much about finding out who you are as getting the education.