Christina has given you good advice. I would add that my mother was very much like you describe; she never gave us (my siblings and me) permission to have our own lives. Trying to live by her rules (to keep the peace) only encouraged her to make more and more rules (which I see in your narrative.)

If possible I would encourage Mother to start seeing a counselor, although she will likely refuse.

You deserve your own life and your own love relationship.