I don't have much insight to offer with regard to this, Fruitytooty. Perhaps some other PC members will. My thought, with regard to this, is that it is potentially very complicated & as such is best addressed with your therapist. There may also, at some point, be value in seeking the opinion of a medical doctor or psychologist who specializes in treating sexual dysfunction.

It does seem to me that your difficulties could stem from your date rape. And I don't know of any reason why a person couldn't dissociate during sex. In fact, I think it is common for people to engage in a variety of fantasies during sex. Way back when I was still able to be sexually active, I did as well! One thing that is true is that worry over such things increases exponentially. The more you worry about it, the worse the problems become! So, it may be that what's most important here is for you to learn to be able to relax & simply enjoy the experience. This is where your T & possibly other professionals in the field come in.